Man vs. Burger
When lunch time is a little short, I have a habit of rolling through one of the fast-food establishments, picking up a burger and eating in the car so I can listen to the radio while I eat. No, I know that’s not the healthiest habit in the world, but I’m a southerner, so there’s not much I can do about that 
Most of my friends and co-workers give me much grief because I am a light eater, especially for a guy. I must REALLY not care about the starving people in third world countries, as I usually only eat about half of what appears on my plate.
So on this particular day, I had about 40 minutes for lunch, so out to the car I went to indulge the habit. I roll up to the microphone and order my usual burger and fries, no big deal, right? Rollup to the window, pay the money, and get handed the food in a bag. “Wow, that’s heavy” I thought as I set the bag on the passenger seat. But I really didn’t think anything of it. I pulled away and started looking for a good place to park (the parking lot at the restaurant was full, big trucks and rednecks doing the same thing as me, I guess)
So as I’m driving I reach into the bag to grab a fry, and I catch hold of the burger. That’s gotta be the wrong burger - tt’s huuuge. I pull it out of the bag to take a look, and there sits the biggest monstrosity I have ever seen. 3 meat patties, 3 slices of cheese, lettuce, pickles, onions, mustard, mayo, the works. This burger was roughly the size of my head.
I didn’t really have time to go back, so I figured I’d just make do. Looking for a place to park, and I see an urgent care facility, right next to a funeral home. Thinking about this burger sitting next to me, I figured that would be a safe place to park. That way if my arteries clog up I can make it to the doctor, and if I don’t well, that’s covered too.
Alright - Parked the car, first things first, lose all the vegetables. It’s a burger, not a salad. Now it’s a little more manageable, but still really heavy in my hand. Take a deep breath, open wide and take a bite. Actually, this tastes pretty good. I think the meat/cheese to bread ratio must be right. Took a long drink and then on to bite #2. Not bad at all, listening to the radio now, ready to settle in and leisurely eat. Bite #3… chewing slower now… feeling in pit of stomach… yep. I’m Full. 3 bites and I’m done. No fries, nothing else. I’m full.
The burger is sitting there mocking me, basically intact. Looks like a mouse nibbled on the edge.
Whoever ordered that burger must be a lumberjack or something. I bet he was sorely disappointed with my little girly burger and fries
Man 0: Burger: 1
Bx
